Start blogging....Journally...thinking on Paper

I've been wanting to do this again...for a while at least.

Between reading every John Grisham book, and dozens of others...there has been an increased desire or maybe slight want to learn how to write with more flare.  Not that I'm going to create a masterpiece novel or script the next franchise hit, but there is some therapeutic reasons for wanting to put my thoughts on paper.

My fear is that what is put down is truthful...to the point where I see myself as a truly am and really hate who I am.  Or, dump everything that's on my mind that I have a clearer path to sanity.  Or, someone will actually read this someday and slap me back to reality.  It matters not, as long I feel better.

Being the first day of 2019, there's a lot on my mind.  My addictions, my current work, my desire to move back to Arizona, my hatred for most of the people I work with, the love I have for my kids...at the same time not knowing how to be more patient, understanding, and preparing them for a balanced life.  My parents and what should I do to have a positive relationship with them.  Then there's my siblings, trying to remove my expectations I have for them, their spouses, their children...and just try to support rather than have indifference.  My wanting to find comfort at the expense of my upbringing.  (Social drinks, casual encounters, and other easy fulfillments) My frustration with the church I belong to and my honest desires to follow Christ.  The hope that I can find some companionship, while getting way to comfortable with my individual freedom.  I really believe there is a sickness that is a companion to loneliness.  The more you are by yourself, the more you find that little things that people do are extremely annoying and it's much easier to avoid them altogether rather than having a conversation to find out more.

All these things are on my mind...and I hope to address each of them through out the year and find myself more this year.  I have many goals and things I would like to accomplish, but none more than spending more them with my children, finding a truly satisfying relationship, and not being burden with finances.  (Not to say I want to be rich, but that I don't want to struggle...find happiness in modesty.)

If you are reading this, I would really like to hear any of your thoughts on my posts.

Cheers.