Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Leaving Williams...

The heart going back to Arizona all hinges on what is in Arizona and has nothing to do with elements in Wyoming or working for Williams.  

BUT...

I would have never started looking if I felt like things were going in the right direction, it was an environment I was enjoying, and felt appreciated for my efforts and contributions.

I'm disappointed and confused today...not one supervisor or manager gave me well wishes, a good luck, or any other type of acknowledgment about me leaving Williams.  I don't know if it's the status quo or if they truly are upset about me leaving?  I have to look at only what I know...

If I'm honest with myself, I haven't been happy here for a while and my attitude and attention to being the best operator I can, was not yoked with what I'm capable of.  I always thought myself as one of the better hands here at the Opal plant, but I've been moody, isolated, closed off, and bratty to most everyone.  

I'm confused that not one of them said anything...

Now I need to look at what I can do better with the next step.  Have a better attitude.  Be honest with what I bring to the table.  Don't expect a pat on the back for doing my job.  Exceed expectations about my abilities, learning my job, and executing.  Be happy for myself, be happy for others and be optimistic about life.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Just a feeling...and I'm optimistic

I'm less than a week away from leaving Wyoming and going back home to Arizona...

Strange to say that I think of Arizona as my home, but it really is.  My family, roots, and youth are all here in SW Wyoming, but my friends and circle of interests are all in Arizona.  Set aside my kids being there, I don't ever seeing myself move back to Wyoming.  Maybe Utah (b/c of a spouse) or Idaho...maybe Colorado?  Who knows for sure.  

I've been packing up my stuff for the past few days, I've rehearsed what I'm leaving behind and things I will possibly miss...

Definitely will miss my parents and the ability to visit my family that's close by.  I don't think I ever realized how incredible Kemmerer is to infinite adventures in surrounding states. I'm 10-12 hour drive from hundreds of national and state parks. I'll miss being part of the fire department and helping out with coaching & reff-ing. Part of me is disappointed in love not connecting, but that part is hopeful in my move to Arizona.  I'll miss waving to people when I'm on runs around town, or riding my bike from place to place and hearing honks from friends. Having casual conversations at the swimming pool or grocery store, catching up on small talk.

BUT...I don't have a deep connection with anyone here...I thought I did at one point.  I'm not a bigtime hunter, nor do I care for ice-fishing.  I don't own a side-by-side or a snowmobile, and crushing a 12-pack of beer is not my idea of a Saturday afternoon well spent.  I'm a country boy that loves access to stimulus and services...multiple options for fun and adventure.  I have found myself more in the last 2 years that will make Arizona so much more than it was before...As long as I can side-hustle, stay in budget, and keep my focus on being healthy...life is going to be grand.  

I can't help but feel optimistic about this move...not that I believe in signs, but there are already multiple things that have happened to build my excitement about the return.  

My last trip down to the valley, I was on the return flight with a friend who told me his sister is going through a divorce and might need a friend to bounce around with...no expectation, but it would be nice to have a good friend to concert jump, hike, and adventure with???

Then the first week back, a friend already invited me to go to the ASU football game...heck yeah!

My first day back, and I just found out about this yesterday...all my best pals will be having our fantasy football draft party. 

The next day, my kids are having a piano recital!  The next day...I start my new job.

I love that I'll be busy and options to get reintegrated. I feel lucky, blessed and optimistic about this move.


Thursday, August 4, 2022

conflicted...

Leaving Wyoming means leaving my parents and the possibility that I may never see one of them alive again?  Pops has not been feeling well lately and Mom is burning herself out with over working herself and stressing. 

I'm conflicted b/c they don't have a good relationship.  I know that I have a healthier relationship with my dad, but most of it exists on the surface.  Mom is complicated and stressed with expectations.  Dad is tired, worn out, and doesn't have a lot of drive to live out the rest of his life...he's kind of waiting?  Mom, constantly is nesting and stresses when others don't align with that.  She doesn't treat herself well, or has confidence when Dad is around.  Most of the siblings can talk and enjoy time around Dad and Mom resents that.  She also resented that about Grandma...she wants that same thing, but involves herself and interjects herself into things with the intention of approval rather than discourse and balance.  Her sensitivity is another person in the room.

I'm conflicted...on how to say goodbye, how to leave for Arizona and leave in good graces, how to stay connected while I'm in Arizona, how to stay involved, how to be supportive and not come across as ungrateful. 


Sunday, July 31, 2022

Going back to the Heat Box...I love it

 Well, as long as my background check and drug test come back clean, I'll be a resident of Arizona in a short while.  The positives win in a landslide.

  • Being close to Castle & Roman
    • attending events, concerts, competitions, etc
    • having more impact on thier development & growth
    • holidays, vacations, & breaks
  • Better work schedule; no holidays, weekends, or night...but I will be on-call.
  • More access to personal relationships, friendships, and social life
  • No more living in snow
  • Ability to actively participate in my faith
  • Access to hobbies & entertainment that fit my lifestyle
The only downsides to going to back Arizona is being away from Mom & Dad and the cost of living in Arizona...it's going to be expensive.  But the plan I have will work.  

On another note, last Wednesday...the 20th, Dad got all serious and wanted to tell me something...and it sounded serious.  He proceeded to tell me he didn't know how much more time he had, but wanted to tell me that he loved me and loved being my dad.  It's was a special moment, sincere and heartfelt.  It will be difficult to regret the last 6 years being close to and growing my relationship with Dad...there been more trust and memorable moments together.  Even though Mom and I have butted heads the last few weeks, it's been nice to connect in a different way. 

Monday, July 4, 2022

still weighing on my mind...

I've now discussed this move, back to Arizona, with Mom, David, Marshall, Lynzee, & Whitey.  It seems like a clean, clear choice...go back to Arizona.

So why is it difficult?

It all evolves around money...making it, saving it, investing it, spending it...

I'll make less, save less, investing will roughly be the same, but I'll be spending more too.  

I want to reach out to Erik, our financial guy and see what my options are to buy a house in Arizona ASAP.  I don't have anything for a down payment, nor do I have anything as collateral, not that would be an option. I would like to use my income and work history of Williams to back my mortgage.  I saw a house in Mesa, modular/manufactured home that was extremely nice for $150K and my payments would be $1200/mo...which is great. The other possibilities...cash out my 401K...pay crazy taxes on that to pay for a down payment?  The last option, wait until we sell the houses in Kemmerer in two years and cashout with them for my down payment? 

Again, I put myself in this position.  I should have over $100K in equity or other investments...then this decision wouldn't be so difficult.

I would be awesome to find a sugar momma that just wants a 46 year old boy to tag a long in life?  But again, I probably wouldn't gel with her if that's what she wanted.

Friday, July 1, 2022

I don't want to adult this decision

In the next 2 weeks I will interview for two different positions...one that will allow me to work straight days, no weekends, limit my income, and remain in Kemmerer...potentially for the remainder of my career.  The second position will take me back to Arizona, work days, no weekends, limit my income, raise my cost of living, be closer to my children and potentially slow my financial plan.

There's no real way to weigh the pros & cons of these decisions.  I've been giving it so much thought that I'm really struggling.  If I move back to Arizona, I get to be close to my kids and have regular interaction, my social life sky rockets.  If I stay here, my cost of living will stay low, allowing me to save & invest more.  Going to Arizona, I'll need to budget and find a healthy side hustle.  Staying in Kemmerer I have accepted being single and my companion will be adventure & season ski pass to Beaver Mountain.  

Buying a house in the Phoenix area is not going to happen with the wages I will make from this position, so I'll need to find a realistic side hustle that can bring me $10k-20k extra a year??  Selling mattresses? Delivery? Remodeling? Turo?

If I stay in Kemmerer for 2-3 more years, I'll have to stay with Williams.  When I get over 50 years old, I'll be un-hirable.  There's no doubt, it's tilted to Arizona...but the cost of living is a big weight to consider.  I've been looking at places to live...rent is going to be $1300-$2000 a month...then utilities on top of that?  I'm just not sure how I'm going to make that work?  

First step is to interview and see what comes back?

Wednesday, April 6, 2022

New Chapter....CBC Properties LLC

I’m excited about the future.

I’ve shifted around my focus but haven’t changed any of my goals. Finding a meaningful relationship has taken the elevator down to the bottom floor. I really don’t have the ability to influence it more than I have. I’m not giving up on it so I will keep my eyes open. I get interest, but nothing that’s realistic for staying in Kemmerer???

Kids will always have the focus and energy, and everything defaults to their needs and helping them.

Consistency with my general routine is important and keeps my focus. I would like to do better with feeding my spiritual side…prayer, studying, churchy stuff…

But my drive is to create more avenues of income and financial stability. I’m lucky enough to have both hands around this and partnering with Whitey and his brother-in-law. With that same breath, we are fortunate to land two rental properties to kickstart our partnership. By this time next year, we’ll be bringing in $500-1000 plus equity per month on those. Our hope is to have multiple rentals & AIR BnBs in ten years. Fingers crossed.

I’ve been driving at knocking down my school loans but decided to go with minimum payments. I’m not sure it’s the best option, but I’m not getting value off paying down any sooner but giving me more buy in power with our property LLC will. This new direction has more potential to create velocity for better financial outcome. There’s no guarantee, but it’s a logical choice.

Hope seems to creep into my head, through my heart…to keep that potential relationship alive. The blunt truth…unless I forego my religious values, I don’t see a relationship happening if I stay in Wyoming.

Hopefully in 2 years, I have a home in Arizona that is my primary home that I’m AIR BnB when I’m not there, Turo-ing a car…and thus giving me 3-4 streams of income…lowering my cost of visiting Castle & Roman…and potentially putting myself in a situation to have a relationship in Arizona??? That’s kinda, how I see it playing out? It will take a special situation/girl to make that happen, but I’ve heard of stranger things.