Leaving Williams...

The heart going back to Arizona all hinges on what is in Arizona and has nothing to do with elements in Wyoming or working for Williams.  

BUT...

I would have never started looking if I felt like things were going in the right direction, it was an environment I was enjoying, and felt appreciated for my efforts and contributions.

I'm disappointed and confused today...not one supervisor or manager gave me well wishes, a good luck, or any other type of acknowledgment about me leaving Williams.  I don't know if it's the status quo or if they truly are upset about me leaving?  I have to look at only what I know...

If I'm honest with myself, I haven't been happy here for a while and my attitude and attention to being the best operator I can, was not yoked with what I'm capable of.  I always thought myself as one of the better hands here at the Opal plant, but I've been moody, isolated, closed off, and bratty to most everyone.  

I'm confused that not one of them said anything...

Now I need to look at what I can do better with the next step.  Have a better attitude.  Be honest with what I bring to the table.  Don't expect a pat on the back for doing my job.  Exceed expectations about my abilities, learning my job, and executing.  Be happy for myself, be happy for others and be optimistic about life.

Just a feeling...and I'm optimistic

I'm less than a week away from leaving Wyoming and going back home to Arizona...

Strange to say that I think of Arizona as my home, but it really is.  My family, roots, and youth are all here in SW Wyoming, but my friends and circle of interests are all in Arizona.  Set aside my kids being there, I don't ever seeing myself move back to Wyoming.  Maybe Utah (b/c of a spouse) or Idaho...maybe Colorado?  Who knows for sure.  

I've been packing up my stuff for the past few days, I've rehearsed what I'm leaving behind and things I will possibly miss...

Definitely will miss my parents and the ability to visit my family that's close by.  I don't think I ever realized how incredible Kemmerer is to infinite adventures in surrounding states. I'm 10-12 hour drive from hundreds of national and state parks. I'll miss being part of the fire department and helping out with coaching & reff-ing. Part of me is disappointed in love not connecting, but that part is hopeful in my move to Arizona.  I'll miss waving to people when I'm on runs around town, or riding my bike from place to place and hearing honks from friends. Having casual conversations at the swimming pool or grocery store, catching up on small talk.

BUT...I don't have a deep connection with anyone here...I thought I did at one point.  I'm not a bigtime hunter, nor do I care for ice-fishing.  I don't own a side-by-side or a snowmobile, and crushing a 12-pack of beer is not my idea of a Saturday afternoon well spent.  I'm a country boy that loves access to stimulus and services...multiple options for fun and adventure.  I have found myself more in the last 2 years that will make Arizona so much more than it was before...As long as I can side-hustle, stay in budget, and keep my focus on being healthy...life is going to be grand.  

I can't help but feel optimistic about this move...not that I believe in signs, but there are already multiple things that have happened to build my excitement about the return.  

My last trip down to the valley, I was on the return flight with a friend who told me his sister is going through a divorce and might need a friend to bounce around with...no expectation, but it would be nice to have a good friend to concert jump, hike, and adventure with???

Then the first week back, a friend already invited me to go to the ASU football game...heck yeah!

My first day back, and I just found out about this yesterday...all my best pals will be having our fantasy football draft party. 

The next day, my kids are having a piano recital!  The next day...I start my new job.

I love that I'll be busy and options to get reintegrated. I feel lucky, blessed and optimistic about this move.

conflicted...

Leaving Wyoming means leaving my parents and the possibility that I may never see one of them alive again?  Pops has not been feeling well lately and Mom is burning herself out with over working herself and stressing. 

I'm conflicted b/c they don't have a good relationship.  I know that I have a healthier relationship with my dad, but most of it exists on the surface.  Mom is complicated and stressed with expectations.  Dad is tired, worn out, and doesn't have a lot of drive to live out the rest of his life...he's kind of waiting?  Mom, constantly is nesting and stresses when others don't align with that.  She doesn't treat herself well, or has confidence when Dad is around.  Most of the siblings can talk and enjoy time around Dad and Mom resents that.  She also resented that about Grandma...she wants that same thing, but involves herself and interjects herself into things with the intention of approval rather than discourse and balance.  Her sensitivity is another person in the room.

I'm conflicted...on how to say goodbye, how to leave for Arizona and leave in good graces, how to stay connected while I'm in Arizona, how to stay involved, how to be supportive and not come across as ungrateful.