I have been blessed with many admirable qualities…hard work, perseverance, determination, a healthy body, and a willing mind…but the demons that haunt me now...my level of patience, it's my achilleas heal.

It has been the torn in my side my whole life, and if I’m honest…it’s the reason for all my setbacks, short-comings, and pitfalls.

Whether it’s addiction, career path, relationships, or personal goals…I can trace back to the element of patience that has slowed, stalled, or choked my progression.

The quick path, easy road, having fulfillment now rather than flourishing later is not a quality that I’ve practiced. I’ve always wanted to consume the marshmallow now, rather than wait 15 minutes for the reward of a second.

I am being tested right now with the desire to be loved and give love…when I’m not ready to give or have either. I want my troubles to go away without the effort to dig myself out, knowing that I’ve had the time, resources, and ability to do so. Again, I want the easy path to feel good now.

This is going to challenge every part of my soul and I know that I will be better, wiser, and more appreciative, if…when I can climb out of this. (This is where I spiritually get to exercise my self-control…lots of prayer, lots of fasting)

I have let Jesika go with the hope that she will be there when I’m healthy.

It’s challenging to put her out of my head and heart, and this obsession is unhealthy.

Reassessing my goals right now:

1. Pay back child support ASAP. Right now, my main priority needs to be caring for Castle and Roman. This needs to be my new obsession. Having the ability to have rights and visitation w/ them is so important, to me…to them. If I ever do have a relationship with a girl, I want Castle & Roman to be there and along for the ride.

2. Eliminate Debt and never look back. I can’t dream with these kinds of anchors around my ankles. There’s no way to launch into prosperity if there are no resources. Sure, I can save money and slowly pay off debt, but where I am right now, I’m limiting the time to really make a financial impact on my future while I have earning power. I can take the next 5 years and save $200 and put towards investing and pay off debt? That would make me $12K and I “could” be out of debt? Or I can kill myself and get out of debt in 13-15 months, and put $400 a month towards investing…and be $19K+ at the same time? I have 12-15 years left to work. Scary.

3. Create a path/plan for creating wealth – LATER

4. Find/Develop a relationship with a girl that is meaningful; healthy physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. My GREATEST NEED and WANT.

5. Serve - EVERYWHERE