Christmas a week away

I just spent a few minutes reading my last few posts.

AND, mauling over my emotions about fixing this iPad for Teag/Jesika. She didn’t want or need anything other than it fixed so leave it at that. It gives me the chance to help and serve anyone…especially during Christmas time.

I did not get the job at Exxon, but David did tell me I’m 6-7 people out of the current hiring group. Meaning, if they hire in the next 12 months, I could possibly get an offer…which I would take. Unless I get to interview and offered the coordinator position. It would be straight days, no weekends, and no physical labor.

I’m ahead of schedule to fix my financial issues and have a pretty good path for buying something in Kemmerer…it will be hard to find something that works…newer, garage, 3/2 mix. Right now, my options are wait for something or buy/build Jimmy’s land?

Also, this last week…I realized I love being out in public, talking to people, visiting with them…I find that my humor is more present, and I feel more like myself. Also, I need to work out…running is excellent…probably my preference but anytime of exercise is good.

I do like my job but get frustrated at other people’s lack of understanding…of how to make everything else run easier for everyone. I can’t control people’s actions, so the best thing is just appreciate that I do get it and doing what I can do to help them.

My Christmas plans have been foiled! I was going to leave on Wednesday for Tempe and drive back whenever…but my car has exhaust issue that will make it undrivable. There are emissions requirements and the more I drive it without addressing the issues, it will eventually limit my speed to 4 miles per hour. The part I need is literally unavailable. There are 4 dealerships in the country that have this part in stock, because of demand, they are not willing to part with it. It’s been over a week, so I’m limited to flying down Christmas eve and coming back 3 days later. I’ll be back down two week later, and we’ll finish our celebrating.

I’m lucky to be a dad to Castle and Roman

Rambling...on

I love being informed, but don't like the feeling my life is in peril from politics.

I love being active, but struggle with getting on a schedule with winter, shiftwork, and overtime.

I enjoy physical work, but would rather not have my work load hinge on other's efforts.

Having days off work is great, but I'm not good enough with money and I have hobbies that are expensive.

There is not great joy in my life...right now...than spending time with my kids, but need to take financial responsibility for my future.

My heart and soul want companionship more than anything, but my ground is not firm enough.

Alone...

I heard a phrase recently and I wanted to try to make sense of it. The context is really what makes it…real?

“You’re not alone, so don’t pretend that you are.”

It was used in step with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. When someone has a traumatic event, or possibly an addiction, habit, or event in their life where they feel like nobody else understands, they isolate themselves to cope. At least that’s my take on it and I’ve experienced it myself.

After Ricky died, when I found myself in the depths of my addiction, after my divorce, and after heavy heartbreak…I wanted to just hide, run away, be alone. The reality, I needed companionship, friendship, and interaction more than anything.

For me the best start is service…finding someone or something that help.

I read in social media sites all the time that there is power in loneliness and isolation…a way to reinvent yourself. That's when you find power, health, and growth in seclusion, there is sovereignty and control in your future.

Maybe there is truth to having a balance…knowing you don’t need others to be happy, but a greater happiness comes when shared with those you love and serve?