plan for what I know, not what I hope for

I didn’t get the relocation job in Meridian, and it doesn’t look like I’ll get the maintenance position here at the Opal plant. Avoiding the discouragement of not getting a position that you mentally plan for, is difficult.

With the Meridian job, it was going straight days, working with Whitey on the side, increasing my options for social outlets, and going to a warmer place.

With the maintenance coordinator position, it was going straight days, better income to hours ratio, and not feeling suffocated as an operator.

I am grateful for what I do have but know that I will function better on days. Right now, there are 3 possible options in my near future.

1. Stay at Opal as an operator – kill it and improve my attitude

2. Move to Green River and take a field job – less pay, straight days, slightly improved social life

3. Hope that my number is called by Exxon – same job, more pay

For the last two weeks I’ve been straight days, doing project and picking up shifts. I feel like I’m doing everything to show I’m committed. I need to restrain myself and let the work take care of itself. That’s not the best way to describe the action, but I take too much upon myself and need to be better and delegating and finding others to help.

I’m also considering buying a house in Kemmerer, it was never something I wanted to do, but I must face the facts…I’m here. I doubt I’ll be able to find another opportunity that gives me the security and benefits that I have. I would love to get back to Arizona, but I would either need to consume a lot of risk or need an incredible about of resources to make that leap. Not deciding, but I must make decisions that would give me more options.

Being in the right…place is everything. And I’m always questioning that instead of having confidence.